Nerve_ending's Live Journal

Weird

2004-03-13T10:20:06Z

Well, I've been hanging out with my long time ex girlfriend recently. I'm talking like...we broke up 5 years ago and didn't talk since then. It's cool to chill again I guess. She wants to spark something again...you can tell. I won't have none of that! Not right now, not with her. I have nothing against her, but we've tried that before, and it's weird. How do you move onto an ex-girlfriend after breaking up with the sheer perfection that was Amanda? It's impossible, that's how.

My darcsystems web page is getting quite popular all of a sudden. Many local bands have sparked interest in it. I promote as much as I can with it. It's fun for me, and great for them.

Hanging out with the ol' ex is sorta bringing back old friendships with other people that I lost when we split up. You know how it goes, when together, everyone's friends, when separate, those people choose sides. It's cool though, loyalty is a must, and I wouldn't expect my good friends to have abandoned me to chill with her back then. Overall it's pretty fun I'd say. It's been a long time since I've chilled with a female friend. Hanging with the guys is cool, but gets boring at times. Now we all have ideas and we find it hard to be bored haha. That's not a bad thing of course.

I may be going to visit Amanda soon. I just gotta find a job within the next two weeks or so. My mother said if I find a job, she would buy me the plane ticket. Kinda sad, I'm 21 years old and I need my mother to bribe me to get a job. I need to go to school! I'm really interested in Wyo-Tech in PA. It's an automotive school and I think I would be able to found a great career in the automotive craft. I'm already pretty good with cars. I could build one from the frame up if I had the time and money...ok, just the money. Let's face it, free time is not something I lack.

I'm tired of typing, so I will close this entry with...hmm...I'll just close this entry.

Later

New Web Site

2004-02-19T02:29:46Z

Well, me and the girly finally decided that a friendship would be best for us. Sucks, but I'm not really letting it get to me. I did however remake the Lesbian Slutz web page. My old crew in high school. It sounds lame, but it was fun.

http://www.lesbianslutz.com

We're all gonna chill at some point, and this time around it's gonna be like 50 times better. T-shirts, camping trips, planned events. Man I can't wait till summer! I've been dying to take the mustang out for a spin, but I need to wait for the weather to warm up :( In due time.

Oh well, nothing to really report now. Later

hmmm

2004-01-19T17:19:46Z

Well, the girls phone was shut off for about a week because Sprint sucks, and after it was turned back on 4 days ago I got a message saying "It's been a while since we talked, call me, love ya bye".

I called...we talked, she said "talk to you later today" (it was 3 am)

That was days and days ago. I keep leaving her messages, and I get nothing. This relationship seems to be a joke to her. It's been 5 years and now it's a joke. She can't handle the distance. She never could, from the moment she moved.

Oh well, I'm not losing sleep over it. I'm not going to put forth effort to maintain a relationship that is only desired by one person...me. Maybe it's time to start looking for someone else. A lot of my close friends (female of course) have wanted to hook up for a while. They talk to me, they know what kind of person I am...Amanda could care less. Sometimes it's like she only wants me if I'm rich and successful, other times it's like she wouldn't even want me then. I feel used everytime she ignores me when she's away, then comes home and makes me feel like I mean the world to her. Apparently that feeling is temporary.

She means a lot to me though, don't get me wrong. I couldn't imagine life without her. Bah, it's pointless to think about it right now though. My computer is being prepared for a fresh install...wipe the thing dry. Go me!

In later news, I'm finally back to working. I've been sick and stuff lately so work was not in the cards. I was outside anyway in the -10 degree weather because I'm stupid and apparently don't heed medical warning.

I've got an odd sleeping schedule now...Generally I go to sleep at 9 pm and wake at 3 am or earlier...sometimes I wake up at midnight. I don't know why. Even if I go to bed at 1 am, i automatically wake up at 3. Ridiculous.

That's it for now. I'm gonna get some food. mmmmm...fooooood..

-Jay

New years!!

2004-01-02T03:00:34Z

Holy crap, that was a fun night.
I haven't partied in a while. Beer bongs, semi-mixed drinks, chinese food, and my friends. We pounded about 20 beers a piece haha. I puked after my 2nd funnel to make room for more. I felt fine though. Made a mess of my room, but cleaned it up with quickness.

I was kinda disappointed that my girly didn't call, but she was having a good time doing her thing, so it's not really fair that I take her away from that.

Her name is Amanda, and she's the most beautiful person ever. I do not just say this because she's my girlfriend...I mean, I am told this ALL the time. You may ask how a guy like me got a girl like her? NO CLUE!!! She was the popular 'everyone wants to be her, or be around her' type, and I was...the kid who everyone knew because I was arrested my freshman year from english class my the feds. Maybe I'll touch on that some day.

We couldn't be more any more opposite. It's great!
We were reading Cosmopolitan together last week when I was dropping her off at the airport and it was this check list "is he the one?" and it described EVERYTHING to the T about us. I wish we didn't argue so much. I wish she realized how much I love her just a little bit more. I miss her every second of every day.

I'm only 21, so maybe It's too early, and maybe I'm being naive, but I would do anything to spend the rest of my life with her.

We've been together for about 4 or 5 years now. It's been crazy. We've had our ups and downs. Most of the time when we're together we're a-ok, but when there's distance between us, we argue CONSTANTLY. Her mother told her once that she could tell I loved her. That made me feel appreciated.

Anyway, it was a great new years. Best I've had in a while. Hope you guys had a great time too.

I have created a journal

2003-12-28T23:43:15Z

I have finally created a journal for all (or none) to view. Welcome to my stinky life.. I am not one of those "woe is me" poetic hippie's who seeks only your false pity. If I have problems, sure, I'll write them, but overall I am a pretty positive trooper who does not think the world is over when someone doesn't like me. Life isn't easy, get used to it.

With that said...I will be writing in my journal on occassion. Go to my web site if you'd like. I do web pages for local bands...just started it really, as I've recently come across my first oprtunity to work on such a project. So enjoy.

http://www.darcsystems.com

-Jay